I feel inspired to write something about the Olympics. However, while I am convinced that my words are suitable for this worldwide forum, I fear that my physical appearance could be, um, improved. Therefore, in true Olympic fashion, my image is going to be replaced by someone who is better looking and will appeal to a larger audience. I’m sure that will make the overall presentation much more effective.

So anyway, where were we? Well, about 5 days into this overwhelming Olympic coverage, I guess. There are at least four or five channels on every night with various Olympic competitions, but I have to admit, I’m not finding it as captivating as I expected.

For sure, I was impressed with the opening ceremonies. The precision of 2008 drummers, and 2008 dancers, all perfectly aligned and in sync with each other, was remarkable. Why do they give medals for synchronized swimming and synchronized diving (give me a break with that one), when those events only have a small number of participants. Let’s see synchronized swimming with 2000 people in the pool - that would be something. In fact, we could take the silly subjective judging out of the event altogether. The gold medal goes to the country who can get the most people in the pool simultaneously, maybe doing the wave or something. Wouldn’t that be worth watching?

The fireworks were truly spectacular, even if they were digitally enhanced for TV viewers. And let’s not let cynicism interfere with our enjoyment of the young vocalist. Hey, it worked for Milli Vanilli, didn’t it? In all honesty, I think the Chinese have raised the bar dramatically as far as opening ceremonies go.

But the events themselves just are not capturing my interest that much. Ho hum, another blowout by the US basketball team. A mental error by a US boxer, who was coasting to victory in the final round only to learn afterward that he was behind on points. Little American pixies (female gymnasts) falling off the bar and stepping out of bounds to eliminate themselves. And the continuing run of gold by Michael Phelps. Yes, I’ve been paying attention … BUT I HAVEN’T WATCHED ANY OF THOSE EVENTS! I’ve read about them, and watched a few highlights on SportsCenter, but nothing that would count as far as Nielsen ratings go.

I don’t know, but the mix of live and delayed always seems to water things down. And, sorry, but I’m not going to stay up until 3 AM to watch live archery, or 4-man shells, or weightlifting, or curling. Oh, wait, that’s a winter Olympic sport. I can also do without the never-ending feature stories, which are sure to put me to sleep, even if I did try to stay up to watch some real competition.

Well, I hope that Michael Phelps wins more gold than he can legally bring back through Customs. I hope the US baseball and softball teams both win titles, since their sports are being eliminated from the Games after this year. I hope a few countries that have never won a gold medal before get to climb the victory stand for their national anthems … and I hope NBC covers that. I hope the US basketball prima donnas act like human beings and don’t trash-talk the rest of the world and trash their living quarters. I hope the smog in Beijing doesn’t affect too many events, but that it does impact one or two, so that there’s something for the media to focus on besides Michael Phelps. I hope Brazil wins soccer gold, because I like Brazil and Brazilians a lot.  I hope that one of the equestrian winners is a ventriloquist, and pulls of a Mr. Ed moment on the medal stand. And I hope that my new look helped add credibility and value to these words, because, after all, perception is reality.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, August 13th, 2008 at 5:20 pm and is filed under Al. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.