Nobody asked me, but … (#62)
OK, so what’s the deal with curling? How did this bizarre combination of bowling, bocce, and shuffleboard become an Olympic sport, one which uses domestic implements to clean an already clean surface, and includes at least one pregnant competitor? And why does it seem to be on the air EVERY TIME we tune to this Olympics this week?
Should we, as Americans, be disappointed that we’re not very good at this alleged sport? We might stand a chance if we could use robotic vacuum cleaners instead of brooms. Maybe, to coin a phrase, we just don’t have the stones for this particular competition.
I’m not familiar with any American university that offers scholarships for curling, nor have we heard about recruiting battles and signing days for these, um, athletes. Do curlers (ignoring the hair styling product term for now) specialize by position? Does one particular player excel at left sweeper, while another just can’t perform in that direction? Do they practice their shouting? Maybe a US team would do better if they could use rap instead of just yelling, “Good, good, good … sweep, sweep, sweep … ” or whatever code words they prefer.
Well, apparently this ancient sport originated in Scotland, if the Wikipedia article is to be believed. It became an Olympic sport a dozen years ago. But what about those other similar activities, like bowling, or bocce ball, or shuffleboard? Why aren’t those medal-worthy? Would it make a difference if bowlers ran down the lane alongside the ball, waxing the floor to help the ball get to its target?
Maybe what we competition-preferring Americans would want would be for curling to become a bit more, shall we say, confrontational. Instead of taking turns sliding big rocks, just send one on its way while the other team is sweeping. Perhaps score one point for hitting an opponent, two for knocking him or her down, two-and-a-half if the opponent is pregnant. Now that could make things interesting.
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